Approachathon…. halted! 16
I’ve learned an important lesson: vibe, not quantity, is king, and although I still hold that sometimes Approachathons are very valuable tools this time around I found my Approachathon rapidly soured my vibe: I started to feel down and miserable so I decided to just stop. There’s simply no point progressing: if you feel shitty then there’s literally no point doing daygame: doing even more daygame just makes your vibe worse and your results even worse. It’s a negative feedback cycle.
I’ve done 116 sets so far and had a bunch of leads. I’ve had five dates and unearthed three super-on SDL type girls who sadly couldn’t be bounced to a date. Not bad going. Sometimes I forget that it took me MONTHS to do that many sets when I first started, so at least I’ve achieved something.
Now I’m in ‘vibe repair’ mode. I’m having a few days of doing normal things to put my vibe back on track. I’m deliberately focusing on giving my vibe some TLC. I get up in the morning and go and eat a lavish breakfast at my favourite hotel cafe. I deliberately make friendly small talk with as many waiting staff and shop assistants as possible. I pack my laptop and go chill out, drinking tea and doing some writing. I’ve scheduled normal-person holiday activities: a few long walks, visit a shopping mall, see a Church, look in at an art gallery, walk round a lake, that sort of thing. I can feel myself returning back to normal.
For anyone beginning daygame let me save you a lot of time and if you haven’t worked it out already inform you that daygame has an inbuilt throttle to it. The more daygame you do, the weirder you feel (and become) and consequently the less success you have as women start to pick up on the scent of oddness. What this means is that you cannot simply ramp up the volume of daygame that you do and maintain the same level of success. For most people daygame is not heavily scalable.
Let’s say you start daygame. You do five hundred sets as ‘training sets’ and then after this point you keep a record of your sets to dates to lays and over the next six months you do four hundred more sets. You get laid twice from this. ‘Brilliant!’ you think, ‘I now have the formula! Two hundred and fifty sets equals one lay’. You then decide that you’ll now do four hundred sets a month and get laid twice a month, each month. Thirty sets Saturday, thirty sets Sunday and four evenings of fifteen sets an evening. Hard work but worth it for the twenty four girls you’re sure to bang over the next year.
Wrong! Five days in you’re exhausted. You’re trudging round Covent Garden in your work clothes at nine PM and feeling like the creepiest and weirdest man in the world. If, somehow, you manage to stick at it then you sadly find that your approach to lay ratio falls off a cliff and although you’re managing to do four hundreds sets a month you’re getting laid once every two months.
Rare daygamers actually manage it. They do thousands of sets a year and manage to maintain a consistent vibe throughout. It makes me wonder if these guys are in fact somehow broken, as this seems an abornomal thing to achieve. It also makes me wonder if their game was odd to start with: perhaps they never made much emotional connection anyway, or regarded the whole thing as an act. Or maybe they just have incredible state control.
A better goal for daygame is minimum work and maximum results and the path to that is vibe and mindset: those are the killer components that get you crazy results. I recently saw Steve Jabba do a grand total of six sets over a week, all with super hotties and get amazing reactions from all of them and two dates out of it. But how on earth do you work on vibe and mindset? I know how to work on not prevaricating before opening. I know how to work on my body language. I know how to do thirty sets in a day instead of five… but how on earth do I go out and get a killer vibe and mindset?
I’m not sure of the concrete answers, I’m really trying to work this thing out as I go along. I know on one hand that vibe and mindset produce the results, yet I have limited tools to control those aspects. On the other hand, I still think you do actually have to do enough work as well to get results and one way to track work is by keeping track of how many sets you do. There’s no point a beginner daygamer “focusing on vibe” and only doing five sets a week. Similarly there’s no point that same beginner doing a hundred sets a week: it’s too many. Perhaps the solution is simple: keep track of your sets and set yourself a set count which is high enough to stop you becoming avoidant yet low enough to not affect your vibe, and then aggressively monitoring your vibe and protecting it. The throttle on work-rate is always your vibe.
Jun 15, 2014 @ 19:40:40
Maybe daygame isn’t for you?
Ive followed your blog for a while, you write exceedingly well and im guessing you’d make a great teacher as you know about this stuff to a high level judging by your previous posts. You’ve spent time with the best in the business, do you honesty think you can achieve what you want with game?
Jun 17, 2014 @ 13:28:01
So what you’re saying is, if it feels hard you should give up?
Jun 15, 2014 @ 20:37:01
Tom often recommended 3×10-15 sets a week in the past. I plan to tackle it like training. Either I’ll just approach indirect-direct naturally in my social circle, as we must not forget that direct daygame approach is a tool that some of us do not really need…or, if I do planned sessions, these will be spaced and in region of 10 to 20 three times a week at best. In terms of vibe and mindset, what works wonderfully is to manage your life and do the activities you consider important for yourself, yet not focus on goals and not try to achieve absolute mastery. Examples would be eating well, “paleo”-ish, but not tracking, lifting twice a week using simple regime, maybe HIT for 2×30 minutes, going for walks, scheduling some unspecified real social time with friends, reading books, working for specific amount of time every day – 4 to 6 hours is probably the optimal chunk…the key for me is to focus on the process through planned outcome independent actions that are in my phone so I am kind of like a robot who checks the relatively short list, does the activities and when I’m done, I feel like I deserve hot girl…yet there is no pressure on goals and all I have to manage is that single day with maybe 5 or 6 tasks. I think the whole approach monitoring is useless and adds layers where not needed. I only track my gym training through the automatic phone app, but it’s very simple. But in the gym, there is the need of progressive overload. I still think not monitoring it would work, just as a building that is not painted still stands and the painting is just unimportant outer layer. Tracking sets, what for, really? The progression does not come directly from number of sets, and you cannot speed it up by increasing the number of sets…or get better by worrying about number of sets. I don’t know how many sets I did but it doesn’t matter, I still improved. Yeah, the journey is not documented, so what. “So, today I am gonna do 2 hours of daygame” sounds less stressful to me. If what matters is consistency, hard work and time, it should work just as well.
Jun 15, 2014 @ 21:33:29
Dude you can do it, I honestly believe it.
Look, next time I see you….Maybe I will come and spy on a date with you..OK?
Mindset and vibe take months, years and a big part of it is emotional control…You have to be fucking BRUTAL with yourself…
I’ll send you a copy of my next vid product, I talk about it there a lot.
I am always happy to help those who want to help themselves…
Jun 15, 2014 @ 22:05:55
Wasn’t trolling.
Id be asking myself how many women have i approached in the last year(roughly) and how many have i slept with?
If those questions are met with discomfort then you may have found your answer.
My friend told me a month ago he doesn’t want to game anymore as he feels after three years of being disciplined and giving it a real good go the results just weren’t there.
I respect him for that.
Jun 15, 2014 @ 22:48:23
Out of the roughly 400 sets I’ve done in my first two years of day game I’ve slept with 7 women (in the 6-7.5 beauty range). It’s hard for me to imagine that I’d continue day game if it took a couple thousand sets to get those results. My best results have been when I feel a strong DNA tug to approach a girl and think to myself “here goes nothing” and just approach her. My eye contact, body language, tone, etc. are usually rock solid.
I’m reading Krauser’s Nitro now and this transition point between opening many girls and just going after the girls you really feel attracted to, seems to be where I’m at now. The challenge is that the girls you feel a magnetic pull towards are fewer than just cute girls, so you approach less often and AA gets in the way when you’re suddenly faced with an opportunity.
I can’t imagine myself doing dozens of sets in a day, I’m bound to get the results I’m after sooner (numbers/dates), but I need to force myself to approach every girl I feel a strong attraction towards. Walking around downtown Warsaw it’s usually 3-4 a day. Even one strong approach a day should get me dating the hotter women that I’m after. A problem I have is getting complacent with a girl I’m dating for a while and then not approaching much for weeks at a time. I’m knocking on the door of the next tier of women, so I’ve just got to push through and keep the momentum.
Jun 16, 2014 @ 01:19:48
ok this is pretty useful! I’ve varied between having too few and too many sets in a single week. (I’d like to imagine) I have above average state control, but I noticed small things slipping in energy (vibe?) and calibration when doing too many sets. Hmm – back to the drawing board.
Jun 16, 2014 @ 17:58:16
2 words but you know it already -‘DNA pull’. Unless you’re not getting that feel out in the FSU
Jun 17, 2014 @ 00:32:07
“But how on earth do you work on vibe and mindset?”
I’m going to assume that you are using the term vibe somewhat synonymously with confidence.
A loose definition of confidence is how you expect people to react to you in a situation. You can be confident ordering a beer at the bar off a hot chick, because she is paid to be hospitable, but approaching the same girl who is standing near the bar not working will make you nervous as girls like that might have always reacted negatively to you in the past.
How you expect others to react to you depends on how you get treated everyday. Which is why even though you are not working for year, you might want to do a cool fun job to get these experiences week in week out. I know that people have dismissed this out of hand as some kind of attempt to meet girls. But that is completely the wrong end of the stick. If you have a cool fun social life this will be fairly apparent to everyone you talk to.
Who, out of all the people you’ve meet in your life had the best vibe? And what did they do for their crust? I bet it wasn’t getting belittled by a stupid boss in some rat race job.
Also just because something works for Jabba and Krauser doesn’t mean it will work as well for you. It is a really sappy saying, but “different flowers bloom in different environments”. Which is why I think it is really good that you have decided to try something different.
Jun 17, 2014 @ 13:36:36
I’ve noticed recently that my vibe really holds me back. I’m highly introverted, and not the happy go lucky type. My vibe’s been particularly bad recently, and has lead to some sets fizzling out when they shouldn’t have.
I think next year one of my main focuses will probably be vibe control. Don’t quite know how to tackle that yet. Maybe meditation and some of the state control stuff Danger & Play advocates.
Jun 18, 2014 @ 17:56:59
I have never met you B2PUA… but I don’t know if you can just say “I’m introverted” and just leave it at that. You could be telling me that a decent set of guns would help my game, and then I could turn around and say “I don’t gain weight easily”.
I remember at uni heaps of supposedly introverted people becoming extroverted, including myself to a degree. This was a year long process for some, but it is definitely achievable. I think it could be like the gym, some are gifted and others are naturally skinny or fat, but everyone could perhaps get well beyond the average.
And I do think girls look at how you get on with other people, by sub consciously picking up on your vibe/confidence.
But to be fair, I think any such vibe/confidence/extroversion development might depend on being in a social environment day in day out. Hierarchical office jobs usually aren’t good for that unfortunately. Neither is being on a partly solo holiday in Europe trying to day game solo each day… which is why I think Bodi’s plan is making things tough for him. Even if it does allow him to daygame in Europe with the supposed benefits that this brings.
Jun 18, 2014 @ 08:40:29
Number of sets is only important if you are a newbie with difficulty to initiate conversations with strangers. Its good to learn dynamics, some natural guys have it from the beginning. On the other hand, if you learned to open, number of sets is not much important. Approach to number ratio is important. If the ratio doesnt improve, one should analyze, where is the mistake. Transition, comfort, getting number, body language etc.
Now I can talk with girls if they are not walking. I am not successful at street game, and for me it is the most difficult game. I have difficulty with transition and killing their momentum. Trying to solve these problems.
Jun 19, 2014 @ 10:27:55
I agree about the numbers. I can understand the ratios not improving or being somewhat worse if I’m going for hotter women, but if they’re staying the same for the type of women I’ve already approached then I’m not growing.
I used to think street game on moving women was the hardest, but I bought the Date Against the Machine and Daygame Blueprint products when I was just starting out and that helped tremendously. They are worth checking out. Seeing video of exactly how to do street stops was critical for me. Reading about it and trying to put it into practice may be the sticking point for many guys. I get more AA approaching a girl standing in place than one thats moving. The latter can leave if she’s not interested but in the former situation I have to be the one to recognize if she’s not up for it and move on.
Jun 19, 2014 @ 16:03:19
Hi Bodi,
You seem to be approaching the entire pickup and transformation too analytically almost like a laboratory experiment.
It’s time to take off the scientist/chemist hat in you and put the artist hat. It’s called pickup “Artist” and not pickup “science”.
You’re coming from a frame of mind that is: If i approach x amount i will get y amount of days 2 that should lead to z amount of lays.
It’s good to open a lot of sets. But it’s not a science you need to have fun with it. Offer or illicit real value to women instead of just value taking (seeking sex or better skills at pick up)
When your frame of mind you will get better results. I think doing normal touristic stuff will help but don’t forget to open every girl that attracts you while doing those activities. You will be coming more of an artist/tourist/person having fun state of mind as opposed to a value seeking scientist state of mind.
Jul 04, 2014 @ 15:46:03
I think you’re pretty much right.
Jul 28, 2014 @ 10:09:22
How’s the daygame going?