Colombia 29

trigger-baby

I had high hopes for Colombia. I’d heard many a player raving about it as the promised land. “All the girls are so hot!” and “there’s such a disparity between men and women, they love us!”. Many a misty-eyed PUA said to me: “Man…. we would be SO SHINY”. I thought I’d see for myself.

Colombia has a rich cultural heritage

Colombia has a rich cultural heritage

Medellin

Medellin is two words connected with a hyphen: over-hyped. For game, that is. We arrived in January and reconnoitred the whole city. Daygame is zero. Hot Colombianas don’t ever seem to spend a moment of their lives alone. They don’t seem to do anything at all, actually. The malls are full of families, the Universities were on holiday. That’s basically where the daygame is: in the Uni’s. If you’re young, speak Spanish and doing a course or something on campus then you can gorge and wallow in sets. Sadly, due to PUA incompetence we arrived right in the middle of their ginormous, woppy 6 week Christmas holiday.

The talked-about part of Medellin is Poblado. Meh. Fair enough, you can walk around there safely, but it’s nothing much. The bars are full of groups of Colombians that don’t mingle, or loud American ex-pats. I get the feeling the overhype about Medellin comes from exactly this source. We met plenty of young Americans who’d literally never been anywhere abroad, this was their first trip. Having hot weather, cheap food and pretty girls walking about sent them doo-laley.

You can pull in Medellin, but speaking Spanish would quadruple your chances. Spending time there and working social circle would help.

After ten days there I was bored shitless. The place has no soul. There’s nothing really cool there, there’s no vibe. Their middle class all live in big family houses and watch TV all day. There’s no history except Spanish killing people, then nothing, then drugs. Boring.

Tom and Rami, my original wings, arrived a few weeks after I left. They’d spat the dummy and refused to change their plans and listen to my hard-earned knowledge about Medellin. Cue a Youtube video full of quad biking, Escobar tours, zip-lining and other such girl-lite activities.

Bogota

I moaned that Medellin had so little cosmopolitan middle-class that I never even saw a hipster. I walked around in Bogota the first day and saw a couple in my first hour. Yes! Something here must at least be interesting. I stayed in Chapinero and it was nicer than Medellin. Actual salad bars, cafes, and restaurants that had food other than disgusting Colombian food or pizzas/burgers. Normal, mid-20’s, professional people walking around.

I did a lot of walking in Bogota. You can actually walk round it, which you can’t in Medellin, where you have to drive to areas then walk round those areas. Bogota has an old area, Candlearia, which is quite interesting. Museums, galleries, traditional food, guinea-pig races, it’s at least something.

Pablo was nervous - if he didn't beat Scamps and Wee-Wee in this heat the cartel would slit his throat.

Pablo was nervous – if he didn’t beat Scamps and Wee-Wee in this heat the cartel would slit his throat.

Daygame in Bogota was better than Medellin by far. For a start there were actually parts of the city that people walked around. Ontop of this in Bogota, as I cleverly predicted, all the mid 20’s professionals who haven’t managed to leave Colombia come here to work. There are targets. It’s not great though: not speaking Spanish is a massive hindrance. Ontop of this the Colombian girls themselves are a massive hindrance (see below). It was nothing special. No better than Europe. Mostly the game just resulted in timewasters. I spotted a perfect target sittig reading a book in a mall (a rare activity for a Colombian), ran shit-hot game on her and banged her a bit later. An 8, a professional dancer, she’s actually been in one of those ludicrous RnB videos. Big shakira hair, pretty, amazing body. Very sweet girl. Crap sex- like I care.

My verdict on Colombia? I definitely will not be returning. You can find out why below.

Here are Bodi’s observations about Colombia:

It’s not as dangerous as people say.

It’s fine. I mean, I’ve felt more threatened in London. I didn’t see any crime at all. The difference is this: you probably see more petty crime in London, but in London if you piss someone off the chances of them hiring someone to disembowl your family in front of you then burn your children alive are pretty much zero. Not so in Colombia!

The Colombians are utterly paranoid

I’ve never seen paranoia at the level of Colombia, and I’ve lived in China amongst a suspicious, white-hating race. The Colombians take it to a new level. Every shop has an armed guard on the door. I had my bag rifled and they wrote out a special chitty and affixed it to my half full bottle of water, and they don’t even sell water. It was a fucking book shop! In supermarkets the tills only held about £1 in change; any more and the manager would have to intervene. I regularly got asked for my passport when using my Visa card. Like a fucking tall, white foreigner is the one to worry about! Virtually every Airbnb listing had a huge set of rules listed on it. When the cleaner came to clean our apartment the owner came and literally followed her round watching everything she did. In coffee shops all toilet doors were security coded and they wouldn’t even give you the code, they’d come across, cover it with their hand then secretly punch it in. All Colombians think that all areas of their cities are no-go zones. If you tell them “I’m going to x” then they shudder and tell you “eets so dangerouzz”. They say that about everywhere. I had people telling me not to go to the mall incase I was kidnapped or shot. It’s like one of the most modern malls I’ve seen. I get there and mothers, toddlers and old people are wandering about. Just madness.

Tiny minds

Colombians are generally pretty stupid. After a day or so in Medellin I realised quite how stupid they were. “Jesus, this is Africa level stupid!” I told my mate. Checking online I wasn’t surprised to see the average IQ in Colombia is apparenty 84. Every day in Colombia you’d constantly see examples of outrageous, flagrant idiocy. People would drive their cars backwards and crash into walls. Shop assistants would tie my bags shut and not understand that this prevented the handles from being used. After a week it got to me, the dim eyes, without a flicker of intelligence in them. Colombians make Mexicans look smart. Razor smart!

Ego without achievement

There’s a whole “racist” sociology book here. This condition is something I also observed strongly in Argentina, I suspect is prevalent in Brazil and is absent in Mexico. Firstly, the Colombians, I would say, generally have a higher default self-esteem than the British. This is sort of good. On the other hand they lack that gnawing anxiety, the sense that they have to be somewhere, working for something or other, achieving something to make up for lacking something, that is the coal powering the engine of British Beta-Male industriousness, and thus society. It’s not just self-esteem, however, they have bloated and incredibly brittle egos, like giant eggshells. They strut round as a default just thinking they’re the shit, and at the slightest perceived infraction fly into a hysterical fit, displaying all the sense of morality or reasonableness you’d expect from an inner-city black person or a woman.

In Buenos Aires I observed the most amazing sociological phenomena ever, and I encourage you, like taking a trip to see the Northern Lights, to fly to BA and witness… The Invisible Pomp Eggshell. You see, on the evening in the better parts of BA couples often like to take a walk together, or I should say promenade. I would see older couples, arm in arm, expensive cashmere sweaters draped over shoulders, immaculately made up, carefully and precisely walking, almost strutting along the pavements, heads held high and radiating a massive, precious bubble of pomp and ego around themselves. Now, if a similar Pomp-couple would come the other way then at the point they came close on the pavement they would stop, stuck, about 8 feet apart, unable to pass each other. Both couples were literally about eight feet apart but would act like they were unable to pass, and watching the awkward and weird shuffling, stilted nods, arrogant hand-waves, and barely contained rage behind masks of over-politeness you would think each couple had a large, invisible force-field around them preventing them from passing. It was exquisite to watch!

Colombians dont’ quite match Buenos Airesian (I forget the special name they have for these people) Argentian’s levels of pomp, but it’s there.

Face vs Achievement

After a few weeks we finally worked out the truth about Colombians and it was awful. As soon as I understood it I had to leave, because as an Englishman it runs counter to everything I believe in. In Colombia achivement is your public image, your ‘face’, regardless of what you actually have achieved. Your pride, your sense of self, is this bubble of image which others can see, and the important thing is this image, not at all what you actually do inside the bubble. This explains everything. This is why Colombia is rife with corruption and criminality, not because “zee Goverment eez so bad”, but because Colombian people are bad. The vast majority of them would do exactly the same: do anything and everything possible to achieve image, because the image itself, the status itself, is the morality, and the actions executed to achieve this status are not the morality.

This is a total inversion of British and European values. In our culture it is not so much your image, your face, your swagger, but how you act and treat people for real, what you have achieved, what adversity you have overcome, how you have treat people, what value you have produced. In terms or morality, the Colombians have far more in common with the Chinese than they do the British.

When I finally understood this, I despised them. (not one a one-to-one basis, but on a kind of macro level)

Spiteful/cockblocking

Not only are the Colombians paranoid and stupid, they’re also very spiteful. Unlike the Mexicans, Argentinians (and I would guess the Chileans and Brazilians), who counter laziness and sloppiness with warmth and happiness, a good deal of the Colombians counter paranoia with a good serving of spite. Whereas Mexicans (and to a lesser-extent) Argentinians deliberately look for ways to be friendly or to make you feel good (smiling as they give you your change, holding doors open for you, etc) Colombians are like Russians, they deliberately look for petty ways to be a cunt. Not since Belarus have I seen people deliberately telling me their shop didn’t stock something which I could plainly see that it did, or slamming change down to be rude. The above-mentioned Airbnb rules nearly always include cockblocking clauses too. Colombians are convinced that all tourists are sex-tourists (well I was, except I wanted it for free) and failing that, they just can’t live with the thought of anyone else having fun. Colombians adore bureaucracy and following petty rules. They relish them. I remember in my gym they would lock the huge class room inbetween classes. The gym was pretty cramped so I asked if they could open it so that people could go stretch in there. Stop the world! Outrage! Their tiny minds overloaded and they started shrieking. The blank-eyed male on the desk started saying “they steal! they steal!” and pointing to the room. “Mate” I told him, “the room is literally empty. There is nothing that can be stolen, except air”. They babbled amongst themselves and gave me dark, suspicious looks.

There’s something just a bit odd about them. A good example is the decaff coffee issue. Colombia is the only country I’ve ever been to where staff lied about having decaff coffee. I learned the Spanish to ask if they had it, and would ask them, and they’d generally just say yes immediately. For a few days I’d rave about Colombia having amazingly good coffee, then I finally realised they were just lying and poisoning me with the real stuff. I started asking them twice, then checking they understood, then standing there watching as they’d literally go and fill the machine-handle-thing from the regular grinder. I’d call them over and remind them decaff and they’d just stare blankly or look sheepish. This became an obsessive phenomeon, an ad-hoc sociology research experiment for me and my wing. We’d keep asking for decaff and collate the results and observed behaviour. Eventually we realised it was a combination of a few things:

Decaff Experiment Conclusion: why do they do it?

  1. They have an inability to actually listen to what is being said to them which makes the Chinese seem like modafinil-drugged autists. Their brains are so fuzzy they struggle to absorb words.
  2. They are lazy, shifty and don’t value human life as much as Westerners, so they simply take the easiest and most lucrative option: pretending they have decaff, taking the money and not caring about the fact they’ve lied and caused a chemical effect on someone (ok it’s not deadly but I’m making a point).
  3. When they don’t understand something, either spoken Spanish or even what the hell this “café sin cafeína” is then to protect their swollen pride they just lie.

Colombia is like China, the main reason they all want to leave is so they don’t have to live with other Colombians, or to be more correct they don’t want to live in a society of mainly Colombians.

The food is horrible

I thought Colombian cuisine would be nice. It’s disgusting, just disgusting. A pile of rice, a flavourless arepa, a fried hot-dog, a fried banana, a piece of fried pig-skin and a piece of avocado: this is a typical Colombian meal: fucking horrible. The only nice thing they have is a traditional soup with big lumps of chicken in it. Every food except the local muck is just burgers or pizza.

The women are insanely hot

"Let me rest these bags on something a moment, they're so heavy" said Conchita.

“Let me rest these bags on something a moment, they’re so heavy” said Conchita.

It’s true, there are lots of crazy hot Colombianas. Additionally, Colombian men seem short, pudgy and like to wear tank-tops. The hotness of their women is not countered by hordes of square jawed, dusky male models (like Argentia or Brazil) but lots of little toads. It doesn’t really matter, though: they don’t just drop their boyfriends because a random westerner comes along – The Group is everything (see below). Medellin has hotter women per head than Bogota and surgery there is very common. The average Medellin chick is pretty hot and most seem to have tiny waists, gigantic, Jen-Selter type asses sticking out, and also big jugs (which are nearly all silicon). Bogota has far fewer hot girls per head, and much more that look European and white. However, you can still see, you know, four or five 9’s a day whereas in London you’d see zero.

In my gym every time I went I’d see at least two girls that were fitness-model hot, with tiny wasp-like waists and huge, round asses sticking out like a shelf, plus massive fake tits. They’d invariably be wearing a tiny, tiny pair of lyrca shorts (which if they farted and relaxed would probably get hoovered up their ass hole) or some sprayed-on leggings, plus bare midriff displaying washboard abs then a crop top. The other women weren’t too shabby too, even the MILFS were worth banging. All that Colombian girls do in the gym is 5 minutes of crunches then 2 hours of ass.

This is common.

This is common.

They just do hours of ass exercises; nothing else. Squats, lunges, reverse step-offs, cable rear extensions, supermans, jumping squats, adducttor flyes, everything. Whilst doing these they stare constantly at their big asses in the gym mirrors observing every inch of gluteal acreage and mentally willing it to become huger and firmer. Their mind to ass connection is stronger than the mind  to muscle connection of the most dedicated bodybuilder.

Bigger. Bigger! Marta willed it to grow ever larger.

Bigger. Bigger! Marta willed it to grow ever larger.

I’d often see one particular small whore, obviously on Anavar or something with her combination of curvy muscles yet sunken cheeks (face obviously, not ass) and ripped abs, do a whole 45 minute stepper workout whilst twisted around watching her backside going up and down in the mirror. It’s a wonder she doesn’t get chronic back pain. After their workouts they often go and jump on the machines, spread their legs wide and take semi-pornographic selfies in front of the whole gym.

Colombian gyms are great.

Finally, Margarita felt like the squats were doing something: she'd passed the Bodi Cup-Test.

Finally, Margarita felt like the squats were doing something: she’d passed the Bodi Cup-Test.

The women are morons

By and large our greatest stumbling block with Colombian women was their own tiny minds. They are truly stupid. A lot of them couldn’t remember their own phone numbers, or email adddresses. They’d forget what they were walking along the street for. Not only that, but they’re incredibly vapid. I never, ever thought I’d big up the horror-pigs that are British women but compared to their 98lb-lighter counterparts they are brimming with quirkiness and character. They seem to do nothing but sit at home and watch TV or surf Facebook. They had little to talk about at all. Conversation was difficult. Ok, a little diversion here but… this interested me because seeing they had lower IQ’s and were more vapid than British women then why were they  so much more attractive and pleasant? I ended up writing so much to explain this that I’ve cut it out and will publish it as a seperate post, soon.

For any aspiring players in Colombia I’ll give you a priceless system on how to game in Colombia:

  1. Do not try and schedule dates, Colombianas are not capable of any forward planning at all.
  2. What you do is this: collect a load of numbers, several dozen at least, from whatever source, and engage them in relentless, time-consuming Whatsapp chats full of selfies and smilies. Run these chats over days and days.
  3. Regularly go out to a bar with friends and then mass-text your entire list with an awesome selfie featuring A GROUP having LOTS OF MINDBLOWING FUN, tell them you’re having an amazing time and they should come
  4. This will trigger their vibe-parasitism and provide a group for them to flourish and attention-whore in, so maybe one or two (out of 50) would turn up.
  5. Make them jealous of each other, pick the one that fondles you the most then run normal game. No Colombian man actually has game: it’ll work.

They are group animals

Everything in Colombia seems to be done in a group. People live in big family houses. They go shopping together. They work together, they socialize together. When they have nothing to do in a group then they just do nothing: hence the TV watching. They are sometimes suspicious about doing things one to one, and will then soon try and invite along other friends. For a Englishman I found this all a bit oppressive. I’m not a fucking rabbit, I’m a wolf.


I’ve now been to three countries in South America: Argentina, Mexico and Colombia. My general conclusion is this:  South America is over-hyped by wops, but in reality is a bit shit and Europe is better, for lifestyle and for women. Although I’m pretty sure I could bang an HB8 every month or two in Colombia, there’s more to life than women and it’s more important to me to not live in Colombia than it is to bang hot Colombian women.