I’m back in Newcastle now, preparing my next move. Looking back over the last year I’m disattisfied with it. Game-wise I did FAR WORSE than the year before. I fucked more girls this year but the quality sucked. All of them left me disatissfied in some way whereas last year the quality of every single girl made me feel fantastic.
I have truly learned that it’s quality, not quantity.
This year I’ve travelled a fair bit: Singapore, Eastern Europe, Belgrade and Prague. Did I enjoy it? Not really.
Singapore was the best, by far. I liked that. And why? I had friend there and a regular activity (Thai Boxing), plus … and this sounds melodramatic and pessimistic…. I had hope. It was my first sabbatical and I was full of energy and optimistic. Singapore was hot, sunny and weird enough to pump me with some culture thrill. I liked it.
Eastern Europe was unpleasant. Cold, stark. The people were brutal. My travel companions (or rather Nick) turned the whole thing into a sour competition.
Belgrade was better, for a while, then worse, as I got depressed and began my crash weight gain which has now left me a bloated wreck, 16LBs heavier than before I went to Singapore.
I’ve finally learned my lessons, and here they are:
The Euro-nomad lifestyle does not suit me.
It’s too solitary and transient. In a short time it makes me feel weird. What’s crucial to me is vibe. What makes me feel good? The answer is people. I am a people person and being nice to people, being friendly to people, making new friends and spending time with them is the fundamental thing I require for my vibe. Why does my vibe improve when I return to Newcastle? Because I have contact with my step-mom. What is the best thing in my life right now? Attending the kickboxing classes I love in Newcastle because of the amazing bro-mosphere at the gym.
I’m lazy, lack self-discipline and am inefficient
In Prague I swore I was going to do social activities. I didn’t. Why? Because I’m lazy. I don’t think I was born lazy; I always worked hard. I think I became lazy. I think a lifetime of forcing myself to do things that made me miserable rewired my brain to seek to do nothing as a route to less misery. I think this is quite a common sad state of affairs for most office drones.
I’m not very efficient. I have started my little online business, but it’s probably been more work than it should have been. Why? Because I find it so difficult to multi-task. I’m a natural obsessive. Give me just one thing and I’ll do it 100%. Give me two and each one gets 25%.
The solution: structure.
My brain chemistry is a wreck
From many, many years of full-on depression I think the circuits in my brain are screwed. My moods are volatile. I get depressed easily. I’m also a binge-eater. I definitely have dopamine/serotonin issues and self-medicate these with food.
I’m probably suffering the male menopause
I look back at the last three years and realize something profound has changed in my life for the worse, physically. I am starting TrT within a month and I hope it makes such an impact I never come off.
I don’t want an office job
I can’t imagine myself back in an office. I’d despise it. Could I manage it if I had to? I could probably suffer through a six month contract somewhere hot and interesting, like Singapore or Hong Kong. I’d fake my CV and go in as Project Manager, skive, kiss ass and go to the gym for 2 hours each lunchtime.
Ultimately, though, I now believe women have the right approach to jobs. Not raised with the crushing slavery of The Matriarchy and expected to provide for anybody but themselves they solely regard jobs as sources of emotional supply. This is the right attitude. If you love your job you never work another day in your life and furthermore, you have a daily vibe-pump which is easiliy accessible.
I want this.
At first I decided that in order to make my daygame work again, I had to do what was neccessary to get my vibe in top form. I decided I need this:
- a part-time job which pumps my vibe
- lots of friends and social contact
- helping people and being nice to them
- structure and satisfaction
This concept’s not exactly rocket science or anything new but in this red-pill world of going your own way and travelling the world and banging bitches and setting up online businesses it seems a lot of people forget this simple stuff about being human.
I had a long think and decided……
a good fit for all of this was to be an English teacher abroad. Plenty of these gigs suck, and plenty of them end up being a grind, but I’m in a good situation. I (somehow) still have some cash left to support myself, so I can pick and choose and work part time.
Once I started really thinking it over I realized it was an excellent move. Have you ever had that feeling when you instinct just tells you that something is really right? I have it with this.
I think that getting a part-time job teaching english can have great benefits for me:
- It provides a daily structure to help combat my laziness and anxiety.
- It’s work, so gives me satisfaction.
- It helps people, so gives me emotion-pump
- I hope I will enjoy it. I genuinely like teaching and really hope I’ll take to it like a fish to water
- It produces a small income
- It gives me massive social contact
- It probably plugs me into a social network, in a position where I have authority and respect (can you say hypergamy)
And now we get into the classic “teaching english for sex” scenario. The thing is…. I DON’T MIND THAT! I look at it like this:
I have to do this to get my vibe good enough to do game
If doing this gets me enough pussy of enough quality anyhow then why bother doing game?
I think there’s subtlety required.You just need to keep a grip on yourself. Are you weaseling? Are you banging sub-standard girls because they’re easy and you’ve lost the nerve to cold approach?
The worst thing about this is the stigma attached to teaching english. When I lived in China I was particularly proud that I had “a real job” and was not an English teacher, who seemed usually an odd bunch of losers.
Ah well. Fuck that. You can’t have everything. What I do know is this. I want a woman-job that fills me with satisfaction and pumps my vibe and I think this may do it. I mean to give it a try and find out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
It would be great if I found my bliss and that was that: I was a teacher, a good one and I loved it. I lived abroad and that was my life. We shall see. I guess I am guilty of planning too far ahead so in the short term what I would say is this:
I still don’t plan to consider a return to my old career until 2016. I am going to do a CELTA course for a month to train as a TEFL teacher. I will then travel somewhere hot and warm (probably South America) and live there a while, experimenting with my new lifestyle. I will aggressively work on my social circle and vibe, doing a regular schedule of activities outside my work (probably things like Crossfit, BJJ, dancing). I will happily scour for girls within this ecosystem and not shy from doing regular daygame as well to broaden my options. I almost certainly will.
I know of one reader who’s probably shitting himself with joy at this post…