I was talking to my old mate Jimmy Jambone last night about my recent dates. “The problem is” I said, “I’m overcompensating: I’m going way too far in one direction”.
The last couple of dates I had were with very hot Russian students, 23 and 22 years old (the second being the TYHOG). I remember each date being intense, almost like a test. The girls would sit, not so much enjoying the thing but certainly rapt. Hours would pass and I’d lay the pressure on more and more. I’d work my escalation up, picking them apart psychologically and demonstrating mastery. I’d relentlessly pull them off the fence and be asking them pointed questions. Each date failed. I couldn’t seem to get the spark and the makeout (although of course I tried). As soon as I ‘gave up’, decided I couldn’t be bothered anymore and then just went to normal chit-chat the release of tension was palpable. Suddenly, the girls became happy. We chatted. They were smiling. I felt releived that I’d at least “done my bit” and proved I wasn’t a pussy afraid to escalate. In those last few moments, sadly as we were leaving, there was actually a feeling of closeness, like we were old friends meeting.
Walking the girls to the bus stop I released I was enjoying this bit more than the whole previous part of the date, which had seemed confrontational. Hang on… I told myself. Wouldn’t it be better if nearly the whole date was just like this bit, and the intense stuff was just sprinkled in now and again? Of course it would.
My problem is that I come from being a total chode, who would do nothing but normal talk on a date. And I literally mean normal conversation, the same as I’d do with friends or old people on the train. Polite, normal conversation. There’d be zero man/woman vibe. I discover escalation, I discover self confidence, I discover a deep psychological understanding and skillset and I discover girls who turn up ALREADY FANCY YOU. I then go way off the scale in the other direction. I get too clever with things. I stun girls by explaining to them what kind of person they are. I hold ultra-intense eye contact. I force them to admit what they like about me. It’s just too much! Too much!
Jimmy interjects as I explain this. “You don’t even need to escalate like that” he tells me. He then outlines to me some of his escalation material. It’s a lot more jolly, silly and good humoured than mine. It’s all quite slap n tickle.
“blah blah blah… sorry, oh dear me… those legs are… .so divine.. oh dear! did I just say that out loud? anyway…. blah blah blah”
“oh dear oh dear… silly girl… if i was your teacher I’d have to put you over my knee and spank you….blah blah”
A good black and white test of dates is this: is the girl laughing? If a girl is laughing a lot then dates are going well. “trying to get sex on a date is what amateurs do” explains Jimmy. I think he means you have to be zen. You forget the sex, and concentrate on the vibe, the fun, the bubble and the closeness and then sprinkle little bits of escalation in, and then the sex just happens.
My goal for upcoming dates is this: make girls laugh and make us feel close to each other. Make the ‘bubble effect’. Dial down the intense stuff. Dial down the showing-off about how much psychology I know. Still lead. Still be dominant, still be masculine. I create the bubble, it is my reality. I lead, but it is a wonderful, fun bubble in which the girl can run and frolick on the grass in complete safety and enjoy herself. It is not an intenso, hypno, draining experience.