It’s Monday morning at Ace Recruitment agency. Gavin picks up the phone, stares into the receiver and shudders. Beside him, Kenny reclines back in his seat talking loudly and confidently into his bluetooth headset. “Oh yeah, yeah, yeah… sure, sure, sure… fo’ sure, fo’ sure” he smirks at Gavin and gives him the thumbs-up. Gavin blanches, grits his teeth and speed dials his client contact again. He can’t believe he was once naive enough to think recruiters helped connect people together. It’s sales. Pure, cold sales.
“Oh Hi Bob!” he says, voice rising desperately as he tries to sound cheerful and natural, even though it’s his thirtieth call that morning. Mid-way through his lies about getting a fantastic new CV in from a really talented Malaysian engineer his voice falters slightly. Bob senses the incongruence; the call is over. “You need to hit the phones harder, mate” grins Kenny, drumming on his desk with his forefingers.
Switch to a street in Warsaw, Poland. A daygamer is trudging round the city. This is supposed to be fun he thinks, so why does it feel so AWFUL? It’s his fifteenth set of the day. He jogs up to a girl, sighing. “Excuse me, I just noticed…” she cuts round him and walks off. How the hell do these guys do it? he wonders. Last month his wing got a fabled Same Day Lay with a Kiwi backpacker plus closed a ‘long-lead’.
I am that daygamer, and I have a terminal case of daygame revulsion. The thought of going out and doing more daygame in the style to which I have been accustomed sickens me. It’s over. Finito. That type of game is dead to me. The displeasure it causes is far, far greater than the very mild displeasure of not having new, low quality women to sleep with.
I discussed the issue with Gavin and we saw immediate parallels with daygame.
“There’s a guy on my team, he has no brain, never had a thought in his life. Can’t even hold a basic conversation. But he bills well because he does 50 calls a day and sends out 10 CV’s a day – far more than I can tolerate without having a nervous breakdown and feeling mind-raped. He has the same failure rate as everyone else (90%) but he has such low self awareness the failure rate and cheating of others doesn’t get him down. So he makes money off the times he is lucky which is more than me”.
This sounds strangely familiar and I don’t think it’s merely a Gamma reframe of oneself as ‘special’. It’s more than this. Many a time I’ve done daygame with a wing and been horribly surprised to see that opening has no emotional cost for them. They’re the same on that set as their third and how they manage to do this is alien to me. Gavin continues:
“Me, on the other hand, I can’t do it. I get depressed and worn out. I only do well when I have a quality high level role where I have exclusivity and commitment. Now, the other guy can’t do these roles because he can’t build the relationships with the clients and candidates and doesn’t have the patience to go through the longer and more detailed recruitment process”.
Curious and curiouser. When I look at my daygame history, I’ve had comparatively few lays, but all with girls where we both wanted to date each other, and where there was an affectionate connection. The internal and external beauty of these girls was very high.. “My approach is more headhunter type” added Gavin to the above.
There’s a clear similarity there. You can spam low volume ‘approaches’, whether they are cold-calls in an office or “You look interesting’s” on the street. Some people can cope with doing this, others cannot. Some people prefer to get one high-quality lead, or a few, and work on them slowly, demonstrating particular value relative to that situation. Others throw lots of shit and see what sticks.
The similarities between R and K selection are obvious. I don’t want to labour an explanation of it, check it here on Wikipedia, but very roughly you can think of R as a ‘reproductive strategy’ – a response to predation and abundant resources. A good example is rabbits (or welfare breeders) which pump out low-investment offspring, which repeat the trick at an early age. K can be thought of as a ‘competitive strategy’, an example being wolves (or the upper middle-class) which have a competitive, resource-sparse life so raise very few, high-quality offspring.
R/K evangelists are convinced that these two rough strategies, or rather the spectrum, influences everything in the world. Reading Anonymous Conservative’s book on the evolutionary underpinnings of modern politics it’s hard to argue otherwise.
Daygame appeals especially to R-strategists. To an R-strategist, discovering a pussy-machine at which you simply crank the handle to produce an endless stream of low-quality but acceptable pussy is all they need from life in one handy capsule. They take to it like ducks to water because like Kenny they suffer no emotional cost from doing it. Spam-approaching a thousand women and getting a couple of bangs with slutty 7’s for them is a great thing. For the K-strategist, it’s a horror. The K-strategist focuses on low volume, high quality, usually on everything in their lives. K–s are more likely to be vindictively precise engineers than they are salesman, and if they are salesman they’ll be headhunters. A K-strategist daygamer, if he follows the current popular daygame model, known as the LDM (London Daygame Model) has to shoe-horn himself into the clothes of a R-strategist*.
[*Given my previous obesity problems and wardrobe update I had to do this not only figuratively but literally.]
A K-strategist has a limited number of sets he can do before suffering irreparable daygame meltdown. At the start he can reframe everything as ‘learning the system’, something K-strategists love. This can carry him a long time, maybe to a thousand sets. He’ll be improving, and mastering his skills, so won’t have much cognitive dissonance. After this point though, he’ll reach his potential and plateau. On the way he will have a few R-style dalliances with the types of girl he’s never had before. K– males usually have never fucked R-strategist women, even once in their lives, bar some fumblings care of blind luck at college perhaps. Their first gropings with one of those women, the ones with the sultry, slutty eyes, juicy bodies, cropped vests and bad-girl attitude; well, to a man who’s had the pretty and ever-so-nice girls till now, it’s intoxicating.
Eventually he’ll crumble. A K-strategist is not built for low quality spamming. He’s literally not built for it, on a genetic level. Constant soul-less repetition and insincerity will eat away at his very core, lowering his self-esteem and causing anxiety. Endless exposure to low-probability odds and enormous amounts of time-wasting is an anathema to him. K-selects, in all areas of their life, are repulsed by wasted effort. Gavin adds:
“Myself I am unsuited to r style recruitment cos I get depressed due to the massive wasted effort”
Our K-selected gamer now has a problem, especially because he’s fallen for the pickup propaganda. The likelihood is that he’s purchased a few pickup ‘how to’ products and garnered his ‘system’ from them. Additionally, he’ll almost certainly have winged with various sordid characters, most of them probably R-strategists. The techniques in his toolkit will be geared towards this. He’ll believe that the remedy for poor vibe is ‘do more sets’. The remedy for poor results will be surprise surprise: ‘more sets’ or alternatively something which boils down to ‘lie better’. Perhaps to ‘bang more girls’ he’ll learn to mimic the behaviour of R-selected spivs. Fighting his natural instinct to get to know girls and win them over with character, he’ll learn how to call them squirrels, ignore their text messages and neg them. His new pickupy behaviour will define his results; he’ll get less interest from K-select girls but more interest from slutty girls. The more he does pickup the more his natural intent will wear off and be replaced by inauthenticity. He’ll fail to get the occasional good girl that he used to (and then discarded on his quest), and will probably get the lower quality of the sexier girl because he can only ever be at best a half-baked cad. He’ll be stuck in the R to K wilderness and like Gavin, the one recruiter with the pure soul, his “O.T.E earnings of £100k!” will somehow never materialise.
There’s good news and bad news for naturally K-selected wannabee spivs. The bad news first: you probably aren’t ever going to be a lady-killer, it’s not in your nature. Get a few lol stories, carefree dalliances, then get out. Anything further will result in gradual breakdown and either withdrawing from game completely or worse, falling down the rabbit hole and becoming a full blown Pickup Weirdo. The good news? He can potentially acquire a partner of a far greater quality than any R-selected spiv has any hope of getting.
If our wolf just wants to ‘finally, actually, just bang some women’ then the pickup circus is the way to go! The problem is it’s not sustainable. Like the scorpion and the frog, he won’t be able to fight his nature for long. A friend of mine got sacked twice in a row from two summer jobs. The first was in a lemon-meringue pie factory. As the pies trundled past on their conveyor belt he “took far too long” dusting them with icing sugar. “I am literally unable to take any less care!” he wept to the foreman as he was sacked. His second job was in a light engineering factory where he was “too fussy” at deburring gaskets and only produced half the required quantity of them, but to a standard the foreman described as “simply beautiful” … before firing him.
Pickup material is predominantly R-selected. This is for three reasons. Firstly, the sellers are themselves usually R-selected men, broken in some way or another. Usually, they have deep issues with connecting with women, and some are neurologically incapable of doing so, being pathological narcissists or sociopaths. With their disability, they’ve never experienced it so cannot understand what all the fuss is about; like a colour-blind person failing to be moved by an impressionist painting. To them, women are nothing but fungible things, sources of sex and gratification, measurable by nothing except age, looks, or some other measure. It’s not her personality or how she makes the PUA feel, it’s a measure of how much other men would desire her, thus revealing the root of all the fuss: ego and insecurity.
Broken people, especially narcissists, like nothing better than to project*. Everyone loves pushing their frame. It’s not a hard sell, because in our second reason we can see that the majority of buyers of the material are R-selected, too. I’d have to say that after five years in pickup there’s a high percentage of low value and disconnected men. They can barely find common ground with their ‘wings’ let alone with women.
[*Don’t get all Inception on me now.]
The last reason that PUA material is R selected is because K selection doesn’t sell well. People get rich selling protein powder, not telling people they don’t need protein powder, just hard work, to get huge. It’s hard to write a ‘system’ to encourage men to just get one high quality girl. You don’t need a system. It’s easier to write a system to promise a pussy machine. Secret short cuts sell well. Yet again there’s a parallel to this in the (even more sordid than pickup) world of recruitment. In the larger firms if you try and work in a more K-select style, garnering a few select clients and taking your time with them, then there’s a raft of middle-tier managers that are constantly on your back. They define their own worth by implementing systems of KPI’s (Key Performance Indicators) such as numbers of cold calls made per day or number of CV’s sent out per day, then spending their time forcing others to adhere to them. The PUA equivalent is the approach count and the notch count.
I am reminded of the story of the Indian watch sellers that Gavin told me. As he went to work each day (he works in Asia) he’d see them sit on their rugs on the pavement with their watches laid out before them. They compete on two things: first, price. This could be regarded as the size of the holes in their net. Second, the time which they remain on the pavement. This could be regarded as the size of the net. More and more Indians decided to sell watches, so they’d come, get a blanket and do exactly the same. They’d each compete with each other by spending more and more time on the pavement, or accepting an even lower price offer than their competitors. There you have the analogy with the state of modern euro-daygamers; R-select men creating as efficient a net as possible. Hours spent on the street and approaches done defines the size, and relative quality of the girl that he will accept defines the holes in the net. As more and more men start doing daygame the overall quality declines yet further for everyone. Europe is now riddled with these figurative Indian watch sellers, driving the price down for everyone.
Gavin got friendly with one of the sellers called Muthu. He was surprised when Muthu was packing up to leave at 6 p.m. one evening. He was further surprised when Muthu told him he was off to his evening class in website design. The other sellers laughed and chortled, rolling their eyes. Silly Muthu was losing sales!
As the months went by occasionally Gavin would say hello to Muthu, or perhaps get his watch battery changed. A year later Muthu handed Gavin a little card: he’d started his own Alibaba online shop and a website. A year after that Muthu wasn’t on the pavement anymore. He eventually wrangled the truth out of another seller. Muthu had “got too big for his boots”. Apparently he “was above” selling on the street now. In fact, he didn’t need to. Eventually his little website and Alibaba account sold more than he could in hours sitting on the pavement, so he didn’t bother anymore, he sat at home on the balcony of his new apartment, playing with his son and occasionally checking his email.
The chaps still on their rug hadn’t really failed, they were just different. You get the best results by following your nature. They couldn’t have done what Muthu did as much as he could endlessly tolerate what they did. They wouldn’t have had the patience or the skill. For the rug-rats, making a website was too much hard work but sitting on a rug for 18 hours a day, every day, was not.
Has anyone in pickup, especially daygame, ever said that a solution to not getting quality girls is to do less sets? If not, then I’m nailing my thesis to the door of the church right here and now. If you want a higher quality girl, stop being a pussy rat and do less sets.
If, like me, you realize that you are a K-select, and not cut out for the rat-race, then stop scurrying in the gutter. Get a few stories to get it out your system and then concentrate on what your nature wants you to do: pursue fewer girls (probably one) of far higher quality. By ‘higher quality’, I really men ‘higher quality considering your nature’. You aren’t cut out to date the sultry eyed tempestuous ones, your lot is with the less sexy, but perhaps more classic lasses. They won’t be asking you to bugger them in the KFC toilets but they’re more likely to enjoy reading that evolutionary science book you lend them. Do that to an R select girl and it’s game over. It might take you ten dates to sleep with them, but at least you can rest assured it would take anybody else ten dates as well. Without being specific about what quality is it’s too easy to fall into the old Gamma trap of simply reframing the girls that don’t want you as ‘poor quality’.
I am here to tell you that the true depravity of pickup is the notch-count, a fiat currency pushed by broken socialists (ego-driven R-select PUA’s) which has somehow become the de-facto rate of exchange amongst the pickupsphere. Notch-counts are an utter farce, and a good example of price-fixing. When you set the price, or a fixed quantity for a certain price (of a commodity), then the quality drops.
Combat this. Abandon this worthless paper and revert to the gold standard: quality – both of looks and character. If you’re a quality man, a K-select, you will feel a soothing blissful calm the moment you romance and acquire a girl that you genuinely regard as ‘dateable’, and you will look back on your pickup career with fond puzzlement or disgust. You’ll have become a headhunter, one of the top-level recruiters who work on bespoke projects and consider it beneath them to not be paid upfront or work on more than one job a month.
Krauser recently wrote about the R and K spectrum he’d observed in girls whilst daygaming, and particularly how the Same Day Lay girls fitted the R model, which shouldn’t be surprising by now. I would go further than this and say that most girls picked up by most men from daygame are R-selects. I don’t care if they seem to be “bookish introvert virgins” but if you chat them up from the street and a week later they’re letting you bugger them in your bedsit, they are R-select girls. Any gamer who is banging more than half a dozen girls a year is R selected and is banging R selected girls. The old pickup paradigm of Alpha and Beta is dead. If you’re banging a lot girls you’re a rat. If you’re married with two kids you’re a wolf. There is no such thing as a K-select gamer that bangs a lot of girls, it is by its very definition impossible. You may be clever. You may be erudite. You may have good future projection, planning and all the wolfish traits. However, if you run about opening girls and banging low 7’s, you’re a rat.
The problem with daygame for K-selects is that as it stands, in terms of girlfriends, you almost don’t want a girlfriend that you can get by daygame. Perhaps I should amend this to “get easily”. If you have a five minute chat with a girl on the street then have sex with her a few dates later then is this really the type of girl you want to date? How high is her notch count? What does this say about her as a long term investment?
I have never seen any K-selected 8’s or above having fast sex or even adventure sex. They seem to live almost completely monogamous lives. You need long-game, patience and value to get them. Before I cause mass hysteria, let me remind you that this issue is not black and white – Anonymous Conservative himself says R and K is merely a model with which to view behaviours. There are exceptions to almost everything and nothing in human behaviour is black and white.
I am under no circumstances blowing the “there is no game” or “I’m beyond game” trumpet. I’m not suggesting any wolves-in-denial quit game and get on Guardian Soulmates, far from it. I’m suggesting they re-assess and tweak their game, but they will certainly still need it, just not so much of the tricks required to posture as the specific type of man that broken women feel compelled to fuck.
If you are looking for a quality girl please don’t think you can just “go natural”. You are going to be more authentic but you are never going to forget core game principles. You’ll be very aware of not letting neediness creep in. You’ll not get too excited and carried away, making her worried that you’re clingy. As she tests you, which even the nicest of girls will, you’ll remember your early chode days as an emotional tampon for your best ‘female friend’ (that you secretly adored) and remember you’re not her gay best friend. You’ll hold your frame, and you’ll expertly deal with any little forays into manipulation she considers. You’ll be running the type of game Athol Kay described in ‘Married Man Game’. You like her, you’re dating her, but you still need to keep an ounce of swagger on. I’m reminded of my own father, who, riddled with Alzheimer’s was bed ridden and being tended by his partner. “I love you” she said, gazing at him, eyes burning with psychotic neediness.
“I..” he mumbled.
“… love …” his voice whispered, and she leaned close to hear him say it.
“… me …”
“… too …” he finished. Superlative game, right till the end, like Han Solo being dipped in carbonite.
Now we’re back to me. This all explains my current situation. I’m sick and tired of trying to bodge myself, a square peg, into a round hole. Sleaze pickup is done and dusted. I am now adapting my game to the pursuit of a high-quality girlfriend. I usher in the era or K-select daygame! The model needs to change and the mindset needs to change. This is something I will explore and discuss further in next month’s post.
Welcome to the land of the wolves. There’ll be times of famine, and times of competition, but a whole lot of satisfaction.